im six kinds of drunk right now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
