Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
