How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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