Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
