I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
