We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
