even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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