I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
