apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
