batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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