haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Come see our sink grown plant.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
