i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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