U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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