I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
