My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
