opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
