Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
