Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
