Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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