Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
