i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
