I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
