my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
