why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
