Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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