be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
