whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
