That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
