I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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