I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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