That's intense
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
