Who wears a wallet chain?!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
