You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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