I'm jealous of your bromance
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
