I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
