Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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