So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
