I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
