I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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