i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
false alarm. still invincible.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
