Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Randomize
