She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
