how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
