dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
