In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
