We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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