Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
