Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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