no, he came in my armpit
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
