Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
